dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
