Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
