we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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