Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
