I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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