dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
