How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
