I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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