My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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