I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
