did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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