We're facebook friends in real life
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
