He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I believe in your delicious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
