why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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