okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
