Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
