all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
