My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
