If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
