i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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