I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
