I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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