he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
