yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
