I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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