It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
