girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
