Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
