saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
