you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
