Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
