the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
