They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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