i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish my penis had a tongue
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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