I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
