Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
