And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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