hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
