Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
