I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
