Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
