He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
