apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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