and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
