i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
