We named our party play list daddy issues
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
