I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
