Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
