how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
