i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
