Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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