My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
