Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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