I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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